Now that we've established an evolutionary basis for flirting, it makes sense that flirting well is more about subtle cues than best laid plans. According to the UK-based Social Issues Research Centre , initial impressions are 55 percent based on appearance and body language, 38 percent on tone of voice or style of speaking, and only 7 percent on the actual words being said.
So when approaching potential partners, remember that your non-verbal communication is so much more important than how you choose to introduce yourself. The goal of flirting is to make your attraction, crush, and general goodwill for someone known. Flirting is not about trying to show off or impress the other person.
This has been demonstrated in countless studies and experiments, but you don't really need science to prove it, SIRC notes. According to Syracuse University professor Joe Fanelli, who teaches about human sexuality, we like people similar to ourselves and that similarity is a key factor in attraction. These similarities can take the shape of common interests — "These matches may be conscious, for example two athletes, or people with similar extracurricular interests, or unconscious, like finding out you enjoy the same music," Fanelli says.
Or, you can fake similarity through physical mimicry. A study from The Journal of Nonverbal Behavior found that mimicking someone's physical movements indicates interest. For the record, I'm a pretty excellent flirt. My own personal best flirting advice is: Treat the person you're flirting with like a human being first and foremost.
Not a challenge. Not a conquest. It's a foolproof way to gauge the other person's sense of humor and demonstrate how comfortable you've both become with each other. So, go ahead and make that joke about how their greys are coming in, but they still look great, or poke fun at the fact that you're preparing the same tired bowl of pasta every evening when they call.
Smiling exhibits warmth, Fields explains. And it's crazy what a difference turning up the corners of your mouth can make when talking to someone. A Neuropsychologia study found that seeing a smiling face can activate the region in your brain that processes sensory rewards.
Translation: When you see someone smiling or when you smile at someone, they actually feel special, like they're doing something right which can go a long way during an awkward first date amirite?! Weight Loss. United States. Type keyword s to search. Today's Top Stories. Taraji P. Accessible Beauty Products For All. Westend61 Getty Images. Ditch the canned responses. Make eye contact. Go with the flow. Related Story.
You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site. Marin says the trick to flirtatious eye contact is to maintain your gaze longer than usual. If you spot someone across the way, try to meet their gaze, hold it for a few seconds, and look away.
Be cautious, though. While a kind gaze does wonders, an unbroken, wide-eyed stare is creepy. Relax and be free from anxiety Take back good sleep and help alleviate pain. The wrong kind of approach will end things before they even start. When you see someone who piques your interest, Vanessa Marin , licensed marriage and family therapist and Lifehacker contributor , recommends you always approach from the front.
Nobody likes being snuck up on by a stranger, and Marin notes this is especially true for men trying to approach women. Nerdlove , dating columnist and Kotaku contributor , suggests you step things up and compliment them on something they had a conscious hand in:.
Letting someone know that you appreciate, say, their fashion sense or their insight, on the other hand, shows that you get them on a personal level. Also, ditch the pickup lines and cheesy one-liners. Overall, participants in the study preferred openers that were more innocuous or direct.
Otherwise, just go for it and offer to buy them a drink or make a unique compliment.
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